A Crazy (TRUE) story from the Phish concert in Wisconsin … CRAZY!!
Disclaimer: this posting is Rated R … there is some graphic language involving sexual and drug related dialogue. If you are offended easily please don’t read past this word!!!
If your still with me … Here we go 😉
Ok … so this is probably one of the craziest / funniest stories I have ever been told. This story was just told to me by my friend Tony, and it is so amazing, that I had to pass this forward.
So … to set this up …..
Tony was going out to see Phish in Wisconsin with his friend Michelle. Michelle’s brother and his best friend (Matt and Eric respectively) wanted to go, as Michelle & Tony had a small group of people & friends they were going to meet up with at the concert and hang with for a couple of days. Alas Michelle’s bro and his buddy couldn’t afford to go, but they agreed to drop Tony and Michelle off at the airport and pick them up ….
so let’s fast forward to Tony & Michelle being picked up at DIA …
Matt: Hey guys, great to see you!! You gotta tell me all about the shows!!
Tony: It was fucking EPIC man …. I mean, Trey!! Need I say more
Michelle: OMG you guys, I’m so sorry you missed it!!
Eric: Yeah, there will be other times, I’ve already got my pass for Red Rocks … How was the scene out there?
Tony: Well, there were a couple of busts, not as many as out in Virginia, at least that what it looked like to me .. but it wasn’t hard to get whatever you were looking for … pretty accommodating actually.
Michelle: Yeah, I had been there about 20 minutes and I was good to go for the entire weekend .. so ya know … it was cool …
Matt: So Tony, what was the lady situation like up there?
Tony: Oh! Well, I did manage to find myself some aftershow spun out Wookie Pussy. Dude we were so fucking spun out, Im amazed I could even get hard.
Eric: Ha! Fucking typical of a Phish show .. how did you meet her?
Tony: well actually, she was one of Michelle’s friends
Matt: So … was she hot? What did she look like? Did you fuck her in your tent??!!
Michelle: (snickering and chuckling to herself)
Tony: well … I was all spun on some family Molly (MDMA for those of us that aren’t dirty twirling hippies) .. and I was just floating around the crowd and her and I just locked up and connected. I was feeling good, she was too … then she gave me some LSD and we started on this cool voyage together and I was really feeling it …
Eric: ha ha … wow … so she was that up front?
Tony: Dude, she was all over me, we were dancing and she had her hand down the front of my pants the whole time .. while I was just grinding on her and feeling her up all night … she was a freak!!
Eric & Matt: Whoa!!
Tony: Yeah, then I got her back to the tent … the clothes hit the floor immediately, she was an ANIMAL … She was doing things that absolutely amazed me … I mean we were soooo fucked up, I can’t be sure of what I was actually seeing … At one point I was just sitting on the floor of the tent while she was going absolutely nuts like a Cirque De Soleil Performer on my pole!!!
Matt: Sounds like she had some skills ….
Eric: Yeah, wow … what a slut!!
Tony: I know … then I flipped her over and made like a god damn Kenyan in a Marathon .. I mean … the sun was coming up and we were both still just going at it … People in tents near us were telling us to shut the fuck up … I wasn’t stopping … for Anything … I wore this chick down and she LOVED IT!!! Ha ha …
Michelle: your so full of shit!!
Tony: no …I went absolutely Ron Jeremy on this chick … It was like I brought a sex Tsunami into that tent .. I should have been paid for that performance … we both slept for like 7 hours after words and it was 2pm before we got back out of the tent …. and when we did emerge, she was walking a little bit rough … HA HA
Eric: wow man … sounds like you seized and throttled that chick …
Tony: Oh yeah, it was some of my best overall work … I like to call it “Bringing the Fuck-thunder”
Matt: Wow … so you gonna keep in touch with her or what?
Tony: Fuck No!! That bitch is on her way back to Austin .. so that is that …
Eric: What? Austin? …. uhm, what was this girls name?
Tony: oh .. uh .. Aaron ….
Eric: ? AARON!! Was She a Brunette … AARON ADAMS
Tony: (starting to get nervous) .. uh yeah, that’s it … (now starting to realize something is very wrong, getting very wide eyed and pale) .. uhm, do you .. or .. how do you know her? (giggles, nervously)
Eric: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME!!! HUH!! YOU FUCKING WITH ME TONY!!!!
Tony: no man … NO NO I WOULDN”T DO THAT!! … what is going on!!
Eric: That skank you banged and trumped … THAT’S MY FUCKING SISTER YOU ASSHOLE!!! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!! MOTHERFUCKER!! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO FUCK YOUR SISTER SILLY!!
Tony: Oh god!!!!! Jesus, don’t kill me man!! Im so so so so so so so so so so so so so fucking sorry man. I had no idea!!! OH GOD .. What are you going to do?!!! I’m so fucking sorry man … … … I’ll call her .. ok … I’ll still talk to her … she was soooo cool … !!!!
Eric: (Angrily stares out the front window of the car, as if he can damage things simply by looking at them)
A few minutes of akward silence pass … feeling like an eternity…..
Matt: (out of nowhere, starts uncontrollably cracking up) … HA HA HA HA … What a small fucking world!!!
Eric: Can we just not talk about it .. PLEASE!!!
Tony: you know … (nervously talking, but starting to feel a rush of relief) .. ya know, maybe you don’t want to hear this, but you handled that a LOT better than the last guy that found out I banged his sister!!! That guy put a gun in my mouth!!!
Eric: (just shakes his head back and forth)
Wasn’t that a great story … that story is 100% true, obviously the names have been changed a little bit …
just goes to show you … a gentleman never kisses and tells!!!
Mwah!! – JohnnyK